


Vista

by goldensummertime



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/M, Gen, also theres angst, and tears and crying, back by unpopular demand: this ship, selena curses of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 12:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6611308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldensummertime/pseuds/goldensummertime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selena doesn't hate fighting, but sometimes things happen, and she regrets a lot of things.<br/>What are you supposed to say to a dead man living?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vista

**Author's Note:**

> This writing is connected lightly to my last work for this ship, but you don't need to have read it. It's only referenced lightly if at all.  
> AO3 formatting continues to kill me. There's a larger space in a part of this thing and I can't for the life of me fix it to make it look even.

Yea, sure, they were storming Hoshido. Of course they’d manage to get into _some_ kind of battle, whatever it be. No one was expecting it to be so hard, is what she thought.

Selena blocked another naginata from cleaving off her shoulder and stabbed the guy before he could get to the healer behind her. “Hurry it up, I need someone to back me up, Jakob!” She leaned on her left leg as the butler finished aiding their only ninja, and Kaze gave a nod of thanks before heading off to follow Kamui and Leo, the pair needing back up.

“If healing could be hurried, there would be no missing limbs!” He threw a knife at an oni chieftan, clipping his arm, and Selena took him down easily.

“I still need the help! I can take them out in one hit but there’s too many!” She switched her sword to her left hand to fend off a magic attack from the side, but it still hit her ribs, tearing her clothes. She swore under her breath, and moved quickly to finish off the conjurer. She could feel the blood running down her side, but it wasn’t as bad as other injuries she had sustained in the past, so she brushed off Jakob’s concern, and the pair continued holding off the attackers as the main vanguard moved to finish off the leader.

Niles and Mozu split off from them to finish off the few who had gotten past them, and the mercenary and healer were left alone.

“Looks like they’ve stopped coming at least. Let’s get this done quickly and finish the rest of the stragglers off.” Selena ran her hand across her side, making sure that it was indeed not a bad wound, and sliced an archer down. Turning, she stabbed the side of another Hoshidan warrior, she couldn’t tell what their class was in the bit of time she was actually paying attention. Her breath hitched from the sharp pain in her side, and she paused for a few seconds to catch her breath.

She turned to check her back, and another lancer bared down on her.

She couldn’t move her arm fast enough to block the blow. She knew that much in the few milliseconds observation that she was allowed. ‘Oh, how fitting.’

Except the blow never hit her body.

Jakob moved in front of her nearly as quickly as the naginata wielder had, and he raised his arms, intending to use his braces as some sort of protection.

The lancer had anticipated this though, surprisingly, and, using the butt of the naginata, knocked away whatever small protection the butler had and sliced through his shirt, carving a long gash into his body.

Selena was silent as he gave a noise of strained pain and collapsed on the ground. Having analyzed the lancer’s weak spots, Selena leapt over Jakob’s form and stabbed her sword into his side, under his arm, killing him immediately.

He had been the last Hoshidan fighter, the rest of the group having gone over to pursue Mozu and Niles, and Selena dropped her sword and knelt down beside the butler, a dull sense of panic beginning to cloud her mind. She had seen many bad wounds in her time, but never on someone she had cared about as more than just a member of an army.

If she didn’t do something, and fast, he would undoubtedly die.

The gash started from his left shoulder and carried all the way down to his right hip. It was very deep, and blood flowed freely. They were both lucky that the lancer had managed to avoid his heart, but only just.

“Shit shit shit,” Selena muttered, trying to keep her panic to a minimum as she ripped the rest of his shirt off and tried, in vain, to put some kind of dampener on the bleeding.

“Shit Jakob don’t die, don’t die, shit…” Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized the futility of her actions. She lifted her head and looked around frantically for the outlaw, or Elise, or anyone who could use a stave.

Stave… Her own magic was pitifully weak, but her mother had given her basic training. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so futile. Selena grabbed one of the few heal staves that Jakob had on his person and waved it over his wound. A green healing glow emanated from the orb at the top, but she didn’t know if this would be a good enough sign.

“Please please do something something…” His bleeding still continued, undeterred from whatever paltry healing she had just done, and the light died down to a pitiful green essence.

“Shit fuck Elise! Elise where are you?! Niles!” Selena didn’t want to stand up, but continued calling for a healer, hand pressing on the clothes that were covering his wound.

“Fuck Jakob if you die I will kill you myself... “ Selena felt tears running down her face at this point, and couldn’t help but to give out a few sobs, her voice cracking as she continued to plead. “Don’t fucking die on me… Shit…”

“Selena!” Felicia and Peri seemed to have heard the mercenary from wherever they were, and the maid jumped down from the paladin’s horse and Selena whipped her head around. The pink haired healer gave a gasp of worry and surprise, the severity of the situation hitting her eyes. “What happened?”

  
“Fuck I don’t know just heal him!” Selena was unwilling to back away from the butler, but did move to the side to allow Felicia more mobility with her healing. She gripped his hand, feeling the familiar numbness of shock flow through her veins.

The maid was silent for a few long minutes, during which Selena continued to cry, albeit silently, as Peri patted her shoulder, probably feeling awkward.

The healer eventually gave a long, exhausted sigh, and leaned back on her legs. “I think I’ve stabilized him… But we need to get another healer or else what I just did will be in vain…”

She was clearly too tired to do any moving, so Peri hopped on her horse to go fetch Elise, and if not her, then Niles.

Selena used her free hand to wipe tears away from her face, and the familiar warmth of blood greeted her face. It didn’t bother her much, though. She was too worried over the fact of whether he would survive to live another day or not.

“How did he even get so hurt? It’s not like him to be reckless or anything.” Felecia spoke after a few moments of silence, having gotten her breath back.

“I don’t know… He just jumped out in front of me.” Selena rubbed her right arm, hand still gripping Jakob’s.

“Hm. I see.” She sighed in submission and shook her head. “He knows that whatever armor he has isn’t enough to block an attack. You would be more suited to take a hit.”

“Oh right, I have.” She touched her side, surprised to see that it was still freely bleeding, but not as badly as before.

“Oh, do you want me to get that?”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t even feel it.” Selena closed her eyes. “You… You’ve… done enough…”

“Haha, well, I can’t just leave him to die, right?” Felicia turned her head, a smile growing on her mouth. “Look, it’s Lady Elise.” She tried to stand up, but was unable to, and Selena shook her head at the maid.

Elise bit her lip as she jumped down from her horse. “Gosh, that looks bad…”

“Just heal him.” Selena’s voice was tired, and she looked up at Elise from her seated position. “Please.”

The princess nodded and knelt down on his other side, unwilling to move Felicia from her spot. “Looks like Felicia got the major internal wounds, but I’ll need more than healing magic to get his wound shut and everything fixed. We need to finish this battle and get to the astral realm as soon as possible. Peri,” Elise looked up, authority in her voice, “Go with Odin and tell Kamui and Leo to finish this up, gather the wounded, and get ready to go to the astral plane. Fast.”

“Right away!” Peri didn’t let her usual childish tone disappear from her voice, but was uncharacteristically serious. Odin jumped on the paladin’s horse, and the two headed to the direction the rest of the army members had.

Elise turned back to the butler and began working her magic, and Selena and Felicia used the bandages the princess had given them to wrap him up as good as they could in the positions they were in.

After a few more minutes of straight healing, Elise gave a sigh and leaned back, panting from the exertion. “This is tiring… I haven’t healed someone this badly injured in a while… Not to mention, he needs stitches, proper healing herbs, and his wound needs to be properly cleaned...”

Selena bit her lip. The princess was probably tired from using her magic both to attack and heal others. They would need to get to the astral realm and meet up with Flora and whoever was manning the healing tent. Probably Flora, but Nyx was also known to hang around that area.

The rest of the time spent before the two were moved to the medical tent was a blur, and Selena was vaguely aware of Niles tending to her side wound, Kamui asking fervent questions about what had happened, and then everyone left them in the silence of Golden’s astral realm.

She wanted to just collapse on her knees or something, but Selena was too worried about Jakob’s condition to do any sleeping, and even though she wasn’t allowed in the medical tent, or at least that section (her wound had been mostly healed, but she had insisted that the herbs would be used for Jakob and not her), she was still able to inquire about his condition from the more amateur healers.

“Never thought he’d bother to even think of sacrificing his life for another. He’s such a cold bastard.” Niles stretched out, not even looking tired as he sat next to the mercenary as she sipped a smoothie of herbs and fruits to restore her energy. The mess hall was quiet, only Effie and Kamui being the other occupants.

Selena tilted her head and gave a wry smile, trying to shrug off her worries about the impending future through a facade. “You certainly wouldn’t sacrifice your life.”

“I’m hurt. Really.” Niles placed a hand over his heart, giving a smile. “I’m married you know. She’s my life, really.” He paused, tenderness in his tone vanishing. “And by that I mean-”

“I know very well what you mean, so there’s no need to open that stupid mouth of yours.” She sucked on her straw to emphasize her point before mutely muttering, “Go talk to someone who’s actually married.”

“Oh please, don’t give me that. Besides, you’re acting like you never will be.”

“And? Your amazingly astute point being?” Selena looked up to shoot a glare at the outlaw, and he stilled, the smile dropping from his face.

“Ah, I suppose that would be a tender subject for women over twenty-one.” His teasing was clearly meant to cover up a distasteful comment, but Selena still prickled in the harsh way it was put.

“Says the guy who’s a thief.”

The pair was silent for a few minutes, Niles unwilling to take a step further in the conversation, and Selena still recovering from the battle.

The outlaw gave a sigh. “I shouldn’t beat around the bush any more, Selena, so I’m going to say it outright.”

“Figured you were here for a reason other than small talk.” Selena passed off his sentence as passively as she could, but nervousness was pooling in her stomach. It was unlikely for Niles to be serious with anyone other than Lord Leo, his wife, and Xander when he was talking to the prince.

Niles leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “I need you to be calm. I don’t want you freaking out or going into shock.”

Selena reflected on the times when her past friends had told her things like that. One time, Noire had been badly hit. Once, Lucina was poisoned. There was also when her father comforted her over her mother’s death. She leaned back, the anxiety not fading in the least. “Ok. Just say it already and get it over with. Jeez.”

Niles stared at her, seriousness in his eye. “It… Pains me to say this, but it is highly unlikely that Jakob will survive the night. His wounds are _very_ severe, and the healers have been unable to make any permanent leeway.”

Selena could almost feel the blood drain from her face, and the tightness in her chest that had been ever prominent in the disastrous future returned with a fervor she hadn’t felt in years. Her throat tightened, and her grip on the glass slipped. She set the drink on the table before her hands could fail completely, and she flashed a shaky look to Niles. “But… But Elise and Felicia… They stabilized him…”

Niles narrowed his eye and shook his head, looking to the side. “The maid couldn’t just tell you that he was going to die. You were already going into shock, and she knew to not make it worse. Elise made some progress, but it wasn’t near enough the level that they needed to ensure his survival.”

“Thats…” Selena’s voice was barely above a whisper. She felt like shaking, like giving out a choked cry, but not even tears could spring to her eyes and show her internal emotions to the world. “He…”

Niles gave a muted sigh, stood up, and walked over to where she was sitting, pulling her up. “I told Kamui that you’d react like this, but she said that I should be the one to say something…”

“K-Kamui…” Selena felt her heart rate increase, felt the hysteria start to set in. She fought it all she could, but the feeling of lingering guilt and crushing despair still managed to tighten its hold on her heart.

“Come on, she’s over here.”

Selena could barely make the trip over to the grassy area where the lord was currently sitting, and could barely hold herself together long enough to sit down and actually begin to listen to the princess.

As soon as her knees hit the ground, the tears flooded, and Selena buried her face in her friend’s shoulder, letting her feelings escape. She hoped that the rest of the army couldn’t hear her, but she could barely even understand her own thoughts.

She couldn’t even speak and vent about how _unfair_ it was, how the world just loved to take everyone she ever cared about. Anyone she considered closer than a friend.

‘Very unlikely to survive’ was the same as ‘most likely will die’. No matter how much sugarcoating was done, nothing could ever conceal that fact.

Selena didn’t know how long she had cried (or, wailed, but she didn’t want to think about that), but she felt exhausted, ready to pass out, or just lay down. She had already been physically drained by the fight, but now she didn’t even have mental fortitude.

“Do you want to go see him…?” Kamui’s voice was quiet again, and Selena sniffed. “You… You should go… give your proper farewells…”

Her heart clenched at the thought, but spilling her heart out to a sleeping person was much more preferable to a gravestone. She nodded slowly.

Kamui patted her shoulder once before standing up, pulling the retainer up with her. “I’ll walk you over there and leave you to the conversation then. I don’t want to intrude.”

“Ok…”

Kamui gave a small smile, tilting Selena’s head to look into her eyes. “I’ll be there once you’re done, so you don’t need to worry.”

The mercenary bit her tongue, trying to avoid letting a few tears loose again. “Ok.”

It wouldn’t be easy, knowing that he was at death’s door, but she wouldn’t lose this last chance to speak to him. She couldn’t let herself lose that too.

As soon as Selena had stepped inside the medical area, Felicia had guided her to the area where Jakob was currently resting. Elise had glanced to the mercenary out of the corner of her eye as Selena passed by, but didn’t say anything.

Felicia let out a sigh as the pair arrived by his bedside. “I… I know it’s silly to hope at this point, but… I can’t help but hope that he… survives this…”

Right. Felicia was close to him. Selena sometimes forgot that people actually had a past together. It was quite different in the Shepherds, but all of the future children had some kind of weird connection, so maybe it wasn’t that strange.

Selena didn’t open her mouth or comment, afraid that she’d give some weird noise or statement about how she wished too. Not like any of her wishes ever came true.

Felicia turned to face Selena. “Kamui and I have already… well, we’ve done it. I’ll leave you to it, then…” She tripped on her way out of the room, but didn’t break anything, so Selena ignored it.

For a few minutes, she couldn’t even pull up a chair and sit down, instead focusing on the steady rise and fall of his chest, the only indicator that he was still alive. Even then, his breaths were weak. It was probably only because of her trained eye that she was able to notice it, probably.

A sharp pain stabbed her heart, but she pushed down the feeling. If he was going to die, then she should probably work on her numbing skills. It had worked wonders in the darker future.

She eventually sat down on the small chair that was provided, pulling it closer to his bedside, and she leaned her elbows on her knees, resting her face in her hands.

What was she supposed to say to a dead man living?

It wasn’t like he would be able to hear anything she said. This could either be a very good thing or a very bad thing. She could either say what was on her mind without being judged or she could end up saying just about anything that comes to mind. At least she wouldn’t have consequences for either choice.

“I…” She breathed out, pondering on what exactly she would say. “I wish you hadn’t taken that blow… Your death in exchange for more pain isn’t worth it. I’m used to being hit in battle. I’m used to people dying, but… I… I don’t want… I don’t want you to die.” She inhaled, closing her eyes. “Why… Why did you have to take that blow? You knew that there was no way you’d be able to take a hit, so… why…?” She sniffled, rubbing away a few tears that had fallen from her eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you… It’s so unfair,” she whined, slightly grateful that at least in this situation, it wasn’t inappropriate.

“I didn’t fight with you for nearly two years just to have you die, almost in my arms… I didn’t shoulder your arguments, your nagging, your rudeness just to have you…” She bit her lip.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let anyone get close. Not only do people die, but… I don’t even belong here. I knew I shouldn’t have confided in you about it. Inigo and Owain haven’t confided in anyone, except for Owain and his wife…” Her heart hurt again, and she fingered the edge of her sleeve.

“Not only did you listen but you believed me. Sure, you were an ass about it, but when are you not? At least after that you didn’t antagonize me about why I was cold to everyone else save Lady Kamui…” She paused for a few seconds.

“What will I even tell your parents? Probably nothing, considering you don’t love them at all. They don’t love you either…” Selena let her sentence hang in the air. Not like Jakob would respond or anything.

His hair was down, out of the normal ponytail. It made him appear even more close to death, it being so abnormal. She reached her hand over, running her fingers through the strands. If she tried hard enough, she could pretend that he was just sleeping, that he was just tired or something, instead of being at death’s door.

She moved her hand over to his jawline next, rubbing her knuckles over his skin methodically. He was cold, but not surprisingly so. A strange feeling entered her heart, somewhere between despair and love. It was an interesting combination, and it made Selena feel weird, like her heart had an irregular heartbeat. After letting her fingertips run along his skin, she leaned back again, setting her hands on her knees.

Tears sprang to her eyes again. She would never be able to talk to him again. She would never be able to hear anything: critique, arguments, orders in the middle of battle… Kind words about how she was strong even when she didn’t feel it, acceptance of her personality and actions, motivational speeches… Nothing.

It hurt more than the realization that she would have to leave everything, including him, behind once she had to go back to her world. It hurt a lot more than she could ever have expected.

As the tears fell down her face, running lines into her cheeks again, she clasped a hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs, and she curled up on herself slightly, back arching against the effort.

“Jakob… I… I love you…” She gave another sob, closing her eyes. “I was such an idiot… I never… I never told you, and now… I’ll never have that chance…” She rubbed her free hand over her eyes, trying in vain to wipe the tears away that were now freely flowing.

“I… I don’t… I don’t want you to die..! I don’t want you to die! I love you so please… Please don’t…” She hugged herself, sobbing aloud and without restraint.

After a few hours of inability to say anything more that was meaningful, Felicia eventually got Selena and comforted her however she could, and Selena went to bed early, dreading the moment she would have to wake up and be torn from her dreams of a happier situation. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking of writing a full-length fanfic with actual plot for this ship since their dynamic really interests me. Would anyone be interested in reading it if I did write one?


End file.
